LET’S GO INTO THE MIND OF A MAN

Dear ladies, as the year comes to an end, I want the last article for 2013 to be “understanding how men think, and why we (most of us) do what we do.” It is my candid opinion that if you know this, it will be easy for you to relate with us, understand us, and put us in check anytime we overstep our boundaries. For those who still have not got the free ebook, send a mail to unclelucky123@gmail.com to get yours where this topic and others have been treated in detail. Now, the business of the day!

“We are either planning with you or playing with you.” Steve Harvey“’Tis strange what a man may do, and a woman yet think him an angel.” William M. Thackeray

• Understanding man and his mind-set in this matter: (Who we are and why we do what we do)
• Suggested actionable ways to put them in check

Men! This is who we are. It is funny how women see us – as complicated creatures. The fact is, women are the complicated ones. No matter how tough some men are, one little smart, crazy girl can manipulate them. We don’t wake up suddenly and decide to fall in love. It is not that simple – and not that difficult too. We don’t know when it happens. You make it happen but we think we've decided to. We try to rationalize it after it has happened. You trap us by what you do and don’t do. You trap us when you recognize some stuff about us and use them to make the relationship work.

“Falling in love,” according to Robert Greene, “is a matter not of magic but of psychology.” He says, “Once you understand your target’s psychology, and strategize to suit it, you will be better able to cast a ‘magical’ spell.” And Sherry Argov summarized it thus:

“Men don’t choose to be in love. It happens by accident. That’s why they coined the phrase ‘to fall in love’. As in ‘Oops! He fell’. He had a plan…but it went terribly awry.”

So, you see why you need to go into the mind-set of a man? Now let’s go there!

A woman in the USA, Cindy Cashman (under the pseudonym of Dr Alan Francis) wrote a book that has sold millions of copies. Guess what she has in her little book titled Everything Men Know About Women? Blank pages! Yes, I mean blank pages! You know what that means? That we know nothing about women! What that means to me is that as simple as men are, they don’t appear simple and so some women (who are the complicated ones) get scared thinking we always have something up our sleeve. We look deep, but most of us are not that deep. Traditions, positions, achievements, perceptions, all these and more have a way making you see us as “The Oga at the top.” The history books are replete with Great Generals who fought and won battles, yet smart women had them where they wanted them.

We are strong but simple; hard but soft; intelligent and logical, but emotional; strict but flexible. But to the uninitiated, it looks like we are very tough, like we don’t give away clues easily. The secret is, if you have that very small “remote control,” that big television will do your bidding.

From what I have read and observed, as well as from the interviews I had with men, I have packaged the following secrets about men that you may not have known. If you know them, once we ‘misbehave’, you are able to contain us; you keep us surprised because it appears ‘extraordinary’ to us; it gets us hooked, rekindles the spark, (and the sex spark), it maintains the pleasant mystery that surrounds you, and most importantly, it keeps the chase, the hunt on-going. Let’s go!

1. 1.   Seems he thinks about sex a lot:

1. 2.   Looking at other women:

1. 3.   His attention is divided:

1. 4.   When he needs some “me” time:

1. 5.   Seems he’s hiding the truth:

1. 6.   His behaviour when he can’t provide your needs:

1. 7.   Activating the ‘solution mode’ when you expect the ‘listening/feeling mode’:

1. 8.   The achievement/accomplishment drive: Let’s stop here for now; we need some time to prepare for the New Year. We shall continue from number 8

Yes, men love and think about sex. (Whether we are very busy or not, we can spare some minutes to give it a thought). Ever heard of the word ‘insatiable’?” The word is not meant for Economics alone.  Men have a voracious appetite for sex. And don’t blame us please, it’s just who we are. Some are able to control it; others just can’t, no matter the personality. We think about it, and when we can’t have it, we want to do something about it. Some men are so lose that they don’t mind doing it on their office table. (Did I hear you say ‘God forbid?) Just admit that most men love sex and many think about it a lot.

Pause; we are not that loose. You are with a man and he still has time to look at another woman. He may not be planning to cheat – he is just being M.A.N (Moved by Appearances and Nudity). Always moved by what he sees. Some call it AVS, Always Visually Stimulated. We are visually sensitive. So what do you do? As a smart, crazy woman, pretend as if you didn’t notice (‘nice’ girls will nag about this, but that’s not you, you are smart!). BUT if he seems to be carried away, take a look around you and equally gaze at some cute guy. Girls do this too, don’t pretend. If possible, wink at an imaginary figure or mutter something like, “I love that guy’s shoes.” For more on this, see PART 3 on WHEN HE TESTS YOU

There are times you shouldn't disturb us. We are not being rude; it’s just that our attention is fixated on something else. Once this happens, we respond to your questions absent-mindedly. For instance, I’m watching my favourite game on a sports channel, I’m interested in who scores the next goal, and there you are, telling me about the lady who is peddling gossip at your office. I’m listening to you; in fact, I heard you the first time, I’m just not interested in whatever you are saying at the moment. I’m nodding to your ‘epistle’ because if I ignore you, you will be mad at me; if I give you full attention, you will continue the testament and disrupt my game. WHAT TO DO: As a smart, crazy girl, don’t fret, this is the time to have your “me” time. Leave him alone. Go and enjoy your popular stuff too.

Sometimes, you should understand that we need some time to take a journey into ourselves. We need some time to socialize without you; we need time to regroup with ‘the guys’; we just need some time apart. It doesn’t mean we don’t want you or that we don’t cherish being with you. WHAT DO YOU DO? As a ‘crazy’ girl, do what he is not expecting: take some time out too to hang out with the girls. Don’t get mad. Do something you enjoy, as pointed out earlier, and when you are at it, don’t go checking on him. This will both satisfy and unsettle him at the same time (because he has got his time, and he’s not sure what you are up to). He knows you are different; he must therefore respect you.

We’ve all been there before – you caught us off-guard and we are trying cook up a lie because we didn’t rehearse for this. Our voice goes up (in defence) or we answer your question with the same question – in a raised tone. That’s your clue – we are probably trying to hide something, and we are trying to fight it out or suppress it, and overcome you. WHAT DO YOU DO? ‘Nice’ girls will nag, crazy, smart girls knows actions speak louder than words. That’s disrespect. But remember you can’t win an argument with him. Treat it the way you would when he takes you for granted or disrespects you. See PART 3 for more on this.

According to Steve Harvey, author of Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady,

“This is the very core of manhood – to be the provider…if a man is in a position of being questioned about whether he’s able to provide, financially or otherwise, for the ones he loves, you might as well drop-kick his ego into an early grave.”

This means, “if I can’t provide for you (God forbid!), my ego is affected; I become edgy, irritable, and my reactions might appear as disrespect. WHAT DO YOU DO? Please understand, my actions, inaction, and reactions are not the disease itself, but symptoms of it – especially when I genuinely want to provide for you. Some men resort to drinking, drugs; crimes, become temperamental, etc. Find a way to sit me down so we can talk about it. Start the conversation like this: “Baby, I understand you are going through some difficult stuff. Honestly I do and I don’t blame you for it. Can we talk about it? I’m ready to listen.” If you try on several occasions and he doesn’t want to come out from his shell, then say something like this: “I can see you are not in your best mood today. Well since you don’t want to talk about it, whenever you are ready, just know I will be here for you.” Go see your friend, visit a museum, just do something.

BEFORE you return, you can bet he’s let off the steam and yearning to be with you.

Most responsible men are naturally problem solvers, solution providers. When you vent your worries, problems, frustrations, etc., you expect him to listen, comfort, console, or even empathize, with you. What do you get instead? He reels out some step-by-step ways on how to solve your problem. That’s who we are! We love you but we don’t express it the way you do; we want to be ‘on top of the situation.’ We naturally think it’s our duty to help you out, without unnecessary sentimental attachment. We are not concerned about being in touch with your feelings – we just offer solutions, what we’ve been ‘wired’ to do.

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